


It Was Only A Kiss

by thesupernaturalravenclaw



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-01 04:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 16,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8608165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesupernaturalravenclaw/pseuds/thesupernaturalravenclaw
Summary: It's the summer term of their sixth year at Hogwarts, and the Marauders are celebrating the end of exams. But will one kiss ruin everything? COMPLETE





	1. Remus

**Author's Note:**

> Characters belong to JKR.

 "Truth or dare, Remus?" said Sirius Black.  
 Remus Lupin sighed and grinned at his best friend, who pushed his dark hair out of his face and took another swig of Firewhisky. Now...what should he do? Remus wondered. On the one hand, Sirius's dares were notoriously awful, but he himself was very private and dreaded what truths his friend would try to unearth.  
 "Dare," he finally decided, and immediately regretted his choice when he saw the evil grin spread across Sirius's face.  
 "Good luck, Moony," muttered their other best friend, James Potter, who then leant back against the sofa and oh-so-casually attempted to put his arm around Lily Evans, then shrank away when greeted with a scathing look and a contemptuous flick of her long red hair. Poor James, Remus thought. He was so crazy about Lily, but she didn't seem to see that and always just brushed his advances off like irritating flies. Although James normally didn't show it, Remus knew it hurt him.  
 "Yeah, you're gonna need it!" Wormtail, aka Peter Pettigrew, the fourth Marauder, added, sniggering and looking to Sirius for the doubtless humiliating and degrading dare that Remus was about to be subjected to-  
 "I can't think of anything," Sirius said suddenly, looking down at the floor. "James, you give him a dare instead."  
 "What?" James looked astounded, and Peter with him. Remus was sure his own surprise showed clearly on his face, too. "But you're practically famous for your dares, mate! How the hell can you not think of anything?"  
 "I don't know, maybe I'm just tired," Sirius snapped back, drinking more Firewhisky. "Give me a break, okay?"  
 "All right," James muttered. "Jeez!" He looked to Remus for support, but he just shrugged. The last six years had taught him it was better not to worry about why Sirius did the things he did - it would only give you a headache. James then looked to Peter, who nodded and gestured as if to say he was on James's side. Ugh. Remus liked Peter well enough, but sometimes he just came across as, frankly, pathetic, and this got on Remus's nerves. Sirius and James were sometimes (well, usually) annoying, but at least they had backbones and minds of their own, which Peter didn't seem to. He worshipped the ground James walked on and he was too goody-goody to even have a Butterbeer in the common room, let alone drink the Firewhisky James had also brought back from Hogsmeade the previous day. The four Marauders and Lily were all now legally of age, along with most of their year, but they doubted that their professors would be very happy with them drinking in school.  
 "Okay, I have one for Remus," Lily announced, sitting up straight and looking around. Despite it being nearly one in the morning, the Gryffindor common room was still fairly full of people - the exams were over and the holidays were only two weeks away. "I dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in this room."  
 Not exactly an original dare, but Remus didn't know what to do. He'd only ever dated two girls at Hogwarts, and them only briefly. He just wasn't interested in dating and rarely noticed girls for their looks. No, that wasn't true - he did register that certain girls were pretty, but it didn't really affect how  he felt about them. The two girls he'd dated - Mary Macdonald, a friend of Lily's, and Sarah Corner, a shy Ravenclaw girl who was in his Arithmancy class - weren't particularly beautiful, or at least, that wasn't why he'd gone out with either of them. They were nice, and he had liked them, but he hadn't been interested in them in the way he knew he was supposed to be - the way James liked Lily, and Sirius- well, actually, Sirius had never seemed that interested in seriously dating girls either - he was extremely popular with them, but only ever really flirted, joked about or had the occasional brief fling. It was odd, Remus thought, that he'd never noticed this before.  
 "Remus?" Lily waved her hand in front of his face, and he realised that he'd lost track of what was happening.  
 "Sorry," he murmured, turning his attention back to the problem at hand. Then a simple solution presented itself. Hoping James wouldn't kill him, he leaned forward and quickly kissed Lily on the cheek. "Done."  
 "You're sweet," she said, laughing, "but I'm really not the prettiest girl here. I mean, look at Melanie Spinnet, or Jenny Prewett, or-"  
 "I think you're the prettiest girl here," James told her, again attempting to put his arm around her. She pointedly leaned away, but laughed fondly at him and accepted the Firewhisky he offered her. Huh. Remus had noticed recently that Lily seemed to be warming a little more to James - maybe because he no longer picked fights with Severus Snape every five minutes? Who knew - James's longtime crush might have a future after all. Certainly she was spending a lot more time hanging around with the Marauders than she had in previous years.  
 "Seriously though, Remus," Lily said to him, staring straight into his eyes, "who do you honestly think is the prettiest girl in our year?"  
 "Um...I guess I don't...really know," he stammered, unwilling to tell his friends of his tendency never to notice beauty, for fear that they would think he was weird. Lily raised an eyebrow, but let it go, moving on to her next victim.  
 "And what about you, Sirius?" she asked, leaning over to the corner of their little circle to get his attention. "You've been very quiet tonight, are you okay?"  
 "I'm fine," Sirius replied shortly, "just tired."  
 "Okay, so who do you think is the prettiest girl in the year?"  
 Remus turned to look at Sirius to see his response and was startled to notice the faint expression of panic that crossed his friend's face at the question. Why would Sirius Black, the notorious flirt, have any problems with seeing beauty in girls? Maybe he was worried about offending Lily? But surely he knew that she wouldn't care?  
 "Um..." Sirius replied, seemingly uncomfortably, "well, like you said, there's Jenny, and Melanie, and Jia Chang's pretty too, and..." He trailed off.  
 "Fair enough." Lily shrugged, flicked her hair back over her shoulder, and turned to James. "And you?"  
 "Ah, Evans, you know none can ever compare to your beauty in my eyes," James told her dramatically, reaching out to playfully pull on a strand of Lily's hair. She half- heartedly batted his hand away, laughing.  
 "I'm going to bed," Sirius said abruptly, and got up to go back to the dormitory, leaving his friends staring after him, mystified.  
 "What was all that about?" James asked the air.


	2. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR

"Pumpkin juice, Padfoot?" Remus leaned across the Gryffindor breakfast table to shake his friend's shoulder. Sirius had been slumped with his head on his arms, but practically jumped out of his seat at Remus's touch. "Whoa, you okay there?"  
 "Yeah, I'm fine, I just have to do - um - something," said Sirius, nervously glancing over his shoulder before swinging his legs over the bench and hurriedly making for the doorway into the Entrance Hall.  
 "Wait, where are you going, mate?" James shouted after him, then gave up and shook his head ruefully at Remus. "I'm telling you, something's different with him recently, haven't you noticed? The way he ran out last night too-" James broke off and stared into space dreamily. Well. Not into space, Remus saw, when he turned to see Lily walking into the Great Hall. Remus rolled his eyes and waved a hand in front of James's face to bring him back to their conversation.  
 "You were saying something about Padfoot?" he reminded his friend.  
 "Was I?" James murmured. "Oh yeah...he's been different lately."  
 Remus just sighed. "Go talk to Lily already, you clearly want to."  
 "He doesn't have to," Peter cut in, his watery eyes wide, "she's coming over here anyway." Interesting. Very interesting. Lily usually ate with her dorm mates, Mary, Jenny, Marlene and Laura, so if she was actively seeking out the Marauders this early in the morning, either she wanted something from them, or she really was warming up to James's affections.  
 Clearly she no longer minded James's flirting, as she took Sirius's vacated seat, right next to him, although she did roll her eyes at his expression, which looked as though Christmas had come early. "Good morning," she said casually, despite Peter's stare and Remus's raised eyebrows. James was momentarily speechless, but soon recovered enough to respond in his usual smooth manner.  
 "It's definitely a good morning now you're here, Evans," he quipped, offering her a glass of pumpkin juice, which she waved away.  
 "Please. I could barely get out of bed this morning - I'm definitely going to need coffee to get me through three NEWT classes with this hangover." Lily didn't look particularly hungover to Remus, but she did look exhausted.  
 "Lightweight," James teased her. "Two Butterbeers and a Firewhisky and you can't get out of bed? Honestly, Evans, I had higher expectations of you."  
 "Yeah, because obviously my ultimate goal in life is to please you, Potter," Lily shot back, laughing. Remus just stared. Was she actually flirting with James? No, surely that was impossible. She'd been shooting him down for over three years now - why would she suddenly change her mind?  
 Peter finally shut his gaping mouth and turned back to Remus. "What we were saying about Padfoot?"  
 Remus shook his head quickly to clear it and tried to focus. "Um, that he's been acting strange lately?"  
 Peter just nodded and turned back to his food. "Maybe he's got a girlfriend," he said absently around a mouthful of bacon, "you know, someone he's sneaking around with."  
 "Why would he sneak around though? Surely he'd tell us," Remus replied.  
 "Maybe he's embarrassed? Or she is? Who knows what goes on in his head."  
 "No, that can't be it. He'd tell us," Remus repeated, mostly to himself. At least, he hoped that wasn't it, because for some strange reason, the idea of Sirius with a girlfriend just...bothered him. Not necessarily the idea of him not telling his friends about having one, but the general idea of Sirius dating someone. He didn't understand why it upset him...or at least, he didn't admit it to himself. Not yet, anyway.


	3. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR, as does the fight between Lily and Snape - some lines are mine but some are taken directly from Deathly Hallows.

 The next evening, three of the four Marauders - Wormtail had (of course) gone to bed already - sat in the common room and tried to pretend that they weren't eavesdropping on Lily's fight with Snape outside. Lily's friend Mary sat awkwardly next to Sirius, having been the one to tell Lily that Snape was threatening to sleep outside if she didn't come and speak to him. They were the only ones still up, as it was nearly midnight and most Gryffindors wanted to get some sleep before lessons the next morning. However, since the exams were over, James, Sirius and Remus were more focused on enjoying themselves.  
 James cleared his throat awkwardly. "Butterbeer, anyone?"  
 "No, thanks," Mary muttered, not looking at him. That was weird - Mary had always liked James, and was normally up for a drink. Maybe she was embarrassed for Lily, as she could probably tell that the boys were listening in.  
 Remus took another swig of his Butterbeer, then almost choked when he heard a loud crash from outside the portrait hole. Mary sighed, shook her head and went upstairs to the girls' dorm, presumably to try and get some sleep. The three boys looked at each other, then moved to sit right by the common room entrance so that they could hear the fight better. Remus ended up sitting on a hideous footstool that looked like it had been designed in the eighteenth century by some demented old witch with far too much access to pink velvet.  
 "Tell you what," Sirius murmured to him, "if this comes to a real fight, my money's on Evans all the way. She is pissed."  
 "Shhhh!" James hissed, leaning closer to the portrait hole. As they listened, they could make out the words of Lily's rant.  
 "....can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you? Those friends of yours, Severus, they've changed you! I couldn't understand why you'd ever choose to waste your time on the likes of Avery and Mulciber, but now I do. You're just like them, deep down. I can't believe I ever trusted you!"  
 "Lily, wait-" Snape was cut off by another crash. Remus wondered idly if Lily was using magic against him, or just hitting him the old-fashioned way. From her tone and the volume of the crashes, he guessed the latter.  
 "No, Severus!" she hissed. "I've given you too many chances, forgiven you too many times, and I'm done. I'm done with you. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."  
 "No, Lily, please, I didn't mean-"  
 "To call me Mudblood?"  
 Inside the common room, James looked furious. He started to get up from his chair, muttering something about strangling Snape with his own entrails, but Sirius stopped him. "Evans can handle herself, mate. Listen."  
 "...everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?" There was another muffled exchange, then a creak and the boys hurried to act natural as the portrait swung open. Lily scrambled through, her red hair hanging in front of her eyes. She was very obviously barely holding back tears. The Marauders exchanged glances and a silent message seemed to pass between them. James cleared his throat to let Lily know they were there, but before he could speak she surprised everyone by collapsing into his arms and burying her face in his shoulder, seemingly not caring that they'd obviously been listening. James looked shocked for a second, but quickly shook it off and wrapped his arms around Lily, holding her as she cried. Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius, expecting him to find these events as bizarre as he did, but Sirius looked uncomfortable and avoided his gaze, looking down at the floor. What was going on with him lately?  
 "Night, everyone," Sirius muttered. James ignored him and carried on stroking Lily's hair. Remus decided it was time for him to go to bed too, but when he started walking alongside Sirius, his friend seemed uncomfortable and quickened his pace.  
 "Are you okay, Sirius?" Remus put a hand on his arm, stopping him in his tracks as they reached the door of their dorm. "You seem a bit off at the moment, we've been wondering if something was wrong."  
 "I'm fine!" Sirius snapped, recoiling from Remus's touch and wrenching the door open. "I don't have to tell you everything, you know!" He disappeared behind the curtains of his bunk and Remus was left standing in the doorway, bewildered. To make matters even worse, Peter sat up in his bed, yawning.  
 "What's going on? I was actually trying to sleep, you know, and you should be too, Remus. Just because the exams are finished doesn't mean-"  
 "Oh, shut up, Peter!" growled Remus.


	4. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR

Sirius was still avoiding Remus's eye the next morning, first choosing to take the furthest possible seat from him and then hiding behind his copy of the Daily Prophet. This meant that Remus spent most of breakfast fuming in silence while James showed off to Peter, recounting a hugely exaggerated (at least, Remus assumed it was exaggerated) version of his time spent with Lily in the common room the previous night. Peter, of course, hung off his every word. Lily did not come down for breakfast, and neither did her best friend, Marlene McKinnon, but a tired and cranky Mary snippily informed the Marauders that Lily was not feeling well this morning after the late night and wanted to stay in bed. She didn't stay to chat, clearly having had enough of the Marauders the previous night, so the four boys were left alone for the majority of breakfast. However, none of them (except perhaps Peter) seemed to be their normal selves, and James's boasting soon trailed off into worry about Lily - he was only prevented from going back up to see how she was by Sirius's sudden exclamation at something he had read in the paper.  
 "Oh, this is bloody ridiculous...my grandfather's just been given the Order of Merlin!"  
 Remus looked up in surprise; they had all heard stories of how awful Sirius's family was.  
 "First Class, as well," Sirius sneered, "the same kind Dumbledore's got, except Dumbledore actually deserved his award, got it for something more than 'services to the Ministry', or as we would call it, giving the Ministry a huge pile of gold to turn a blind eye to his bigotry..." Sirius continued to mutter under his breath while the others watched him in concern. Sirius's family had always been a touchy subject, but matters had come to a head the previous summer, when he'd turned up at James's house in the middle of the night, having finally had enough, and promptly been as good as adopted by the Potters. Despite his uncaring attitude towards anything related to his family, Remus knew that Sirius was at least missing his favourite cousin Andromeda (who had similarly 'dishonoured' the Black family when she'd left to marry a Muggle-born), and it always upset him to see his younger brother Regulus around school. Regulus was part of the same bad crowd of Slytherins as Snape, despite being only just fifteen, and the Marauders all knew that it was very likely that he would grow up to join the Death Eaters in serving You-Know-Who.  
 Despite the fact that they'd been friends for nearly six years, Remus still found it hard to believe that someone as profoundly good as Sirius had come from a family as awful as the so-called 'noble' House of Black. Some of the stories Sirius had told them about his family...it was a wonder that he wasn't just like Snape and Regulus.  
 The bell rang, breaking Remus out of his thoughts, and together the group set off for Potions...during which they unfortunately had to put up with Snape. Surprisingly, Lily joined them at the entrance to the dungeons, and seemed perfectly fine, although, again, she was uncharacteristically friendly towards James, even going so far as to partner him for the lesson. Maybe his behaviour the previous night had made a good impression  
for once.  
 Whatever was going on with those two, it left Remus partnerless (he usually worked with Lily, as he'd previously been the only only of their group she could put up with). James usually worked with Sirius - it was probably a good thing that they were splitting up today, since they were never very focused at the best of times and their current distracted moods would spell disaster.  
 The pairing also meant, of course, that Remus and Sirius would be working together for the lesson, something which Remus would usually be happy about, but with the way Sirius had been acting towards him lately he wasn't sure. It seemed like he'd done something to hurt Sirius, but he didn't know what.


	5. Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR

 Sirius couldn't believe his eyes. After years of countless rejections, James might finally have a chance with Lily. He would no longer keep Sirius up into the night endlessly plotting new ways to try and win her affection, or come bouncing excitedly over to him because she had said hello to him for once. Sirius's life would no longer be centred around organising James's love life for him.  
 And he was completely miserable about it.  
 James was undoubtedly his best friend, practically his brother, who he loved and would do anything for. But sometimes Sirius couldn't help resenting him, just a little bit. After all, James had a perfect family, was handsome without trying, smart without ever studying and endlessly popular for his success on the Quidditch pitch. He seemed to have everything handed to him, and now it seemed like he was getting the girl of his dreams, too!  
 Sirius knew, objectively speaking, that he was also smart, fairly good-looking, and funny, but he also knew that he would never quite be as popular as James was with their fellow Gryffindors. While many people liked Sirius, he knew he would always be known more as James's best friend, the boy with the Slytherin family, the one the Sorting Hat had taken pity on and put in Gryffindor.  
 Sirius was shaken out of his thoughts by a hesitant tap on his arm. He turned to see Remus smiling cautiously at him.  
 "Partners, Padfoot?" Remus asked.  
 Sirius hesitated, then nodded, forcing a smile. They moved across to their table and turned their attention to Professor Slughorn, who in their last lesson had promised that they would soon be moving onto a very interesting topic.  
 However, Sirius found it difficult to pay attention to Slughorn, who had a tendency to waffle unnecessarily, and soon his mind began to wander...back to the crestfallen look on Remus's face when he'd snapped at him the previous night. He hated that he'd hurt Remus, one of the people he loved and trusted most in the world...not that there were many of those. Sirius hadn't meant to be so horrible, but recently he'd been having trouble controlling his emotions - especially where Remus was concerned.  
 He suspected that one of the reasons why he'd been feeling so moody recently was that he hadn't been getting much sleep. That was partially due to too many late nights hanging out in the common room with his friends, but even when he was lying in bed it took him ages to finally drift off - he was just too distracted. His mind has always had a tendency to wander off into daydreams, and being in the dorm at night only seemed to increase this.  
 Before Sirius could ponder this further, Slughorn finally stopped droning and clapped his hands.  
 "Well, you should now have a thorough understanding of the theory of this particular potion-" Yeah, if you'd made it sound at all interesting, thought Sirius bitterly, as he didn't even know what the potion in question was, "-so now it's your turn. All the ingredients you'll need are in the store cupboards and the ingredients are on page 186 of your textbook, work in pairs please. You have until the end of the lesson to brew your potions, and I expect them to be good! You are my top students, after all," Slughorn finished jovially, looking fondly over at Lily, by far his favourite student.  
 Sirius rolled his eyes and reluctantly reached towards his textbook.  
 "I'll get the ingredients," Remus said quickly, and headed over to the store cupboard as Sirius slowly began turning to the right page. He was so out of it that it took him a while to register the name of the potion they were to make. When he finally did, he swore under his breath.  
 Today, the sixth-year Potions class would be brewing Amortentia.  
 It was definitely going to be an interesting lesson.


	6. Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR, most plot elements are mine but the Amortentia scene with Lily and James was inspired by someone's headcanon that I read on Tumblr, I don't know who that was but I hope they don't mind me borrowing it :)

 The dungeon was soon so full of smoke and noise that it was difficult for any conversations to take place, and the students were too busy with the very complicated and fiddly potion to focus on anything else. This meant that Sirius avoided any more inquisition from Remus about his moodiness, although he did notice his friend glancing over at him worriedly from time to time. He tried to act like his normal self, but he didn't know how convincing he was being.  
 Slowly, the potion began to look like the pictures in their textbook (although it was mostly down to Remus's expertise in potion-making, as Sirius really wasn't concentrating very hard) and some the smoke started to clear. After an hour or so of walking around the dungeon checking on everyone's potions, Slughorn told them all to stop and test the potion.  
 "Now of course Amortentia is the most dangerous potion in the world, and many consider it to be immoral, so no one will be testing theirs by drinking it today! Amortentia, as I'm sure you all know, smells different to everyone according to what attracts them, so I'd like you all to take a moment now to think about what that might be for you, then take a whiff of your potion and see if it lines up."  
 Sirius didn't need long to think about what attracted him; that was something that he'd been pondering at length recently, so he turned his attention to the rest of the dungeon; James and Lily were talking quietly (James looked to be over the moon) while Peter and Snape (who Slughorn had paired together because Peter needed all the help he could get) sat in silence.  
 "Sirius?" He turned to see Remus staring at him. "You're supposed to be smelling the potion?"  
 "Oh, yeah," he muttered, attempting his usual lopsided grin. He leaned over the cauldron, closed his eyes and breathed in....the scents of crisp night air, Firewhisky and mud came to him, the nature scents reminding him of nights spent out in the forest with the other Marauders during the full moon, in his dog form wrestling playfully with Prongs and Moony, chasing each other before relaxing under the stars and waiting for Remus to turn back. He had always been the one to keep playing the longest; he and Remus had such similar animal forms that he had been the one most able to keep him calm and safe.  
 The Firewhisky though....that was the smell of other nights, when the four of them had stayed up in the common room or the dormitory, talking late into the night, and nights when there had been parties, after Quidditch matches or exams. Those parties were often times when he would be mostly with Remus, because James was always the one who was the centre of attention and Peter would never stay up late enough to really be involved. Sirius and Remus would always start out in the midst of things, but gradually, as the group would get more and more rowdy, they would withdraw and leave James to be the focus of the party, as neither of them really enjoyed the attention like he did. That was part of what had drawn Sirius to Remus in the first place - he'd been the one to take Remus under his wing and bring him into the Marauders' group, because he'd seen something of this lonely boy in himself; he'd been lucky enough to meet James on the train to Hogwarts, when they'd clicked immediately, but for the first week or so at Hogwarts Remus had had no one.  
 Sirius was brought back to reality by the sound of Remus's laughter. The dungeon had gone completely quiet except for one sound - Lily and James's bickering. Seemingly oblivious to the eyes of the entire class upon them, they were absorbed in an argument over whose fault it was that neither of them could smell anything from the potion.  
 "Evans, I thought you were supposed to be good at Potions? Or were you too distracted by my charm today?"  
 "As if, Potter! No, I definitely did this right - we just can't tell over the smell of that shampoo you insist on wearing! How many buckets did you pour on today?"  
 "You're one to talk, considering the amount of perfume you're wearing, I'm about to have an asthma attack!"  
 "Oh, please!"  
 Sirius leaned over to whisper in Remus's ear. "Didn't Lily run out of perfume last week?"  
 Remus nodded, shaking with suppressed laughter. "And-"  
 "James didn't shower this morning!" they said together and burst out laughing, drawing the attention of the rest of the class who'd clearly all realised what was really going on.  
 Slughorn, looking flustered, put an end to the laughter by setting the class an essay on the history and uses of Amortentia before asking them all to collect samples of their potions for him to mark. This, however, only produced further hilarity, as Lily insisted on smelling all of the potions collected at the front, away from James hair, but Sirius still heard her complaining that she still couldn't smell anything, and how much shampoo must he have used for her to be able to smell him from across the dungeon?  
 Followed by the pair's continuous arguing, the class left the dungeon and Sirius and Remus, who shared all the same lessons, set off for Charms. Sirius knew that in this lesson he would be unable to avoid an interrogation from Remus regarding his moodiness, as it was always the ideal location for a chat. They had planned many pranks in Charms lessons over the years.  
 No sooner had they sat down than the questions began.  
 "Sirius, what's wrong?"  
 "Nothing, Moony, I am perfectly fine."  
 "Sure you are, because you always act like it's your time of the month."  
 "We both know that you're the one with the monthly problem, my friend."  
 Remus rolled his eyes. "You might think that your acting is good, Pads, but you can't fool me. I know you too well not to notice when something is wrong, I just can't understand why you wouldn't tell your best mates what it is!"  
 And that was the question, wasn't it? Normally Sirius told the other Marauders everything; shared every secret; and they did the same into return. For him to be completely closed off....he could see why his friends would be worried.  
 But this was different. The secret that had been plaguing Sirius for weeks now (and who knew how long it had been there subconsciously) was not something he could tell them as easily as he would describe a recent prank he'd played on some Slytherins. He especially couldn't ever let Remus know.  
 His time at Hogwarts had been the only part of his life when he had felt truly accepted - he couldn't lose that.  
 If he had to hide his feelings forever, then so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	7. Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR

 Sirius was miserable. He'd spent the rest of Charms trying to act like his normal self, joking around with Remus the way he always did, and his friend had dropped the subject, although he'd still been sending Sirius worried looks.  
 Now Sirius was hunched in his armchair in the almost-empty common room (most people were at dinner) attempting to concentrate on his Amortentia essay rather than focus on his personal issues. Unfortunately, all writing the essay did was stir up memories of the Potions lesson....working with Remus, being reminded of so many happy times spent in the grounds....which now made him groan as he realised that the full moon was this weekend. Sure, he liked spending time with his friends, breaking the rules to be out at night as a dog, but he hated seeing Remus hurt. And there was no doubt in Sirius's mind that the transformation from boy to wolf hurt his friend terribly, twisting his features from the wonderful face Sirius knew, first into a picture of agony and fear, then finally into a snarling animal with Remus's soul trapped inside. Even though Sirius knew that Remus and the wolf were one and the same, he couldn't help feeling, every single time, like his friend had been eaten by the creature.  
 Every full moon Sirius feared (irrationally, he knew, although that didn't make it any less terrifying) that Remus would never make it back, that he would simply be consumed by the wolf part of him and lost forever. Sirius knew that he could never bear that. Life without Moony was simply...unfathomable. Impossible.  
 Sirius groaned and put his head down on the table.  
 "What's wrong, mate?" James asked from across the table.  
 "This bloody Potions homework, I couldn't be arsed to listen in the lesson so now I have no idea what I'm doing. Does anyone know anything at all about Amortentia?"  
 "I know Evans can't make it properly!" James promptly called out, causing Lily, who was sat in front of the fire with Marlene, to turn and scowl at him.  
 "Will you give it a rest with that already?"  
 "I will when you go out with me, Evans."  
 "So, never. Great."  
 "Now, now, that's not the right attitude," James said, lazily wandering over to Lily's table and perching on the edge of her armchair. "You know you love me."  
 Lily just glared at him. Sirius lifted his head from his essay and stared. This was the longest Lily had ever gone in this sort of conversation with James without slapping him.  
 He ignored her look and went on. "You know, Evans, you've been shooting me down for ages now, and you haven't once given me a chance to prove my everlasting love for you. That's not at all sporting of you."  
 Lily opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again, seemingly dumbstruck. Marlene, next to her, hid a smile.  
 "I know you think I'm an arrogant toerag, but can't you believe that I might have changed?"  
 "I-" Lily was clearly lost for words. Sirius thought that, in all the time James had been pursuing Lily, he had never really been serious with her about it, preferring to hide his true feelings behind jokes - exactly the reason he and Sirius got on so well. Now, however, he seemed deadly serious.  
 "What do you say?" James asked hopefully.  
 "Well-"  
 But at that moment the portrait hole burst open and a rowdy group of second-years piled through, completely drowning out their conversation. Sirius turned back to his essay.  
 Some time later, he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Remus smiling at him.  
 "You look exhausted, Padfoot."  
 "Well, I've been doing this bloody essay for what feels like years, you'd be exhausted too!"  
 "Sirius, you came up here twenty minutes ago, and you've written four lines. In massive writing."  
 "Well, that, my dear Moony, is because I know bugger-all about this potion!" Sirius threw his quill down in frustration and yawned, stretching his arms out and almost hitting Remus on the nose.  
 "Slughorn literally explained everything we need this morning," Remus went on, deftly dodging his friend's arm and dropping into the other armchair.  
 "Doesn't mean I was listening, though. Moony, don't you know I depend on you alone for all my information?"  
 "Sadly, the last six years have indeed taught me this." Remus leaned over to pull Sirius's essay towards him. "Where's Prongs, anyway? Wasn't he up here with you?"  
 "Yeah, he's-" Sirius turned to the corner where he had seen James talking to Lily and stopped dead when he saw the table occupied by a chattering group of fourth-year girls. "That sly devil!" he muttered, grinning.  
 "What? What happened?"  
 "Last time I checked, he was over there flirting with Evans-"  
 "Business as usual, then."  
 "Yeah, but it actually looked like he was getting somewhere-"  
 "Wait, what? Lily was actually responding to him?"  
 "Moony, will you stop interrupting me? I am trying to tell you this very interesting and, some might say, unbelievable story, and you are simply not giving me the attention I require. It's rather disappointing, to tell you the truth. I expect better of you. Now kindly draw your attention away from my undoubtably riveting Potions essay and hearken to my tale."  
 "I apologise unreservedly, dear Padfoot, please do go on."  
 Sirius hesitated for a moment, grinning. He'd missed having conversations like this recently, the easy, playful exchanges that he and Remus had always been so good at.  
 "Honestly, Sirius, you go off at me like that and then stop to think? Not like you at all!"  
 "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Evans seemed like she was on the verge of giving him a shot, then this whole bunch of second-years came in so I couldn't hear anymore, and now they've mysteriously disappeared."  
 "How very intriguing."  
 "Indeed. Shall we investigate?"  
 "It's like you read my mind."  
 "To the map!"  
 "To the map!"  
 They hastened upstairs into the boys' dormitory in their quest to find the Marauders' Map in order to "investigate" James and Lily, only to find Wormtail sitting, somewhat miserably, on the edge of his bed. He jumped as the door clattered open.  
 "What are you two doing in here?" he asked suspiciously.  
 Before Remus could answer with something boring (like the truth) Sirius jumped in. "Well, we were looking for a room, preferably empty, in which to do very dirty things unsuitable for your young eyes and ears, for Moony here simply can't contain his passion for me any longer-"  
 "Nor can Sirius for me-"  
 "-but if you'd rather stay, Wormtail, then I suppose we'll just have to close the curtains and make do, won't we, Remus?"  
 "Indeed we will, for our passion cannot remain bridled forever."  
 "Yes, like a wild stallion it must be allowed to run freely into the beautiful sunset."  
 "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist me for long."  
 "Your scrawny physique and bookish ways won me over in the end." And with a smirk at Wormtail, Sirius pushed Remus back onto his bed and declared dramatically, "Now I shall have my way with you, and Wormtail shall never wipe the images from his brain!"  
 "I'm going, I'm going!" Wormtail half shouted as he scurried from the room.  
 Sirius collapsed in laughter. "He gets so embarrassed, bless him. He simply doesn't understand our love, Moony, how tragic." He suddenly became aware that Remus was now his only audience and stopped talking.  
 There was an awkward pause, then they both spoke at once.  
 "We should look for the map-"  
 "I think it was in James's trunk-"  
 And as Remus leaned down to search for the map, Sirius finally accepted that which had been staring him in the face for some time, but that he had refused to acknowledge: he was head-over-heels in love with one of his best friends. Who also happened to be a bloke.  
Brilliant. Just bloody brilliant.


	8. Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR

"There he is!" Sirius exclaimed after ten minutes of perusing the map. "Or should I say, there they are..." The dots labelled James Potter and Lily Evans were making their way around the lake, seemingly on a romantic walk.  
"Where?" Remus asked, leaning across his friend to see. Sirius suddenly found himself unable to breathe and hurriedly stood up. Remus looked up at him in surprise.  
"They're by the lake - I'm just going to the bathroom," Sirius said, and left the room as fast as he could without running. When he reached the bathroom, he locked the door and sank to the floor with his head in his hands.  
What was he going to do?  
If it had been anybody else, Sirius would've had no problem with telling them he liked them - he had never been afraid of being rejected by a crush, and if he was completely honest, it hadn't ever really been a possibility anyway, as he was very popular with the girls of Hogwarts (and in fact, a few of the boys - he had had more than one uncomfortable conversation where he'd had to let down a hopeful guy, telling them he simply didn't swing that way).  
Yet now, it seemed that he did swing that way!  
Even aside from the fact that they were both blokes, his feelings for Remus were very different to a usual crush. For one thing, Remus was one of his best friends, and he was terrified that telling him of his feelings would change that. Sirius also knew that if Remus rejected him, it would take him a very long time (and probably a lot of Firewhisky) to get over it.  
"Sirius?" There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Are you all right? You've been in there a long time."  
Sirius stood up, stretched, and unlatched the door. "I am just fine, Moony...I trust you've been well employed in spying on our young and besotted friends?"  
"But of course," Remus answered, "although they are a bit boring, as they've been stood in the same spot this whole time."  
"How intriguing," Sirius said, only half listening as he followed Remus back to the dormitory. "I have the feeling that watching them for any longer could be akin to some sort of voyeurism, so I suggest we put the map away and leave them to their own devices."  
"And of course request details from James in the morning?"  
Sirius flashed him a grin. "Naturally."  
They returned to the common room, where they found Peter tucked into an armchair in the corner and engrossed in Advanced Potion-Making. "Well, he's reached a new low in our absence," Sirius commented under his breath, "reading his textbook, honestly, he's as bad as you, Moony. Have you been infecting him with your unnatural ways?"  
"I assume by that you don't mean my monthly unnatural infection?" Remus replied, and something in his tone made Sirius look over at him sharply. He had sounded...bitter.  
"No, of course I didn't! And that's not unnatural, Moony, it's just an illness like any other."  
"Really? Name another illness that causes you to turn into a homicidal monster every month," Remus challenged him, throwing himself down moodily onto the sofa.  
"Easy." When Remus looked at him in surprise, he expanded. "Haven't you ever seen Evans when she's on her period? That's a homicidal monster if I've ever seen one."  
"Ha ha," Remus said waspishly, picking up the essay Sirius had discarded earlier and beginning to read.  
"Come on, Moony, don't be like that! It's nearly the end of the year, no one cares about homework anymore! Let's do something fun!"  
"You may not be bothered about your homework, but we are taking our N.E.W.T.s next year and Amortentia is bound to come up, you really should do the work now to make it easier nearer the time."  
"Have you forgotten who you're talking to? When have you ever known me do revision ahead of time? The very idea is simply abhorrent."  
"Well, will you at least leave me in peace to do my revision?" Remus asked exasperatedly, looking up from the essay to meet Sirius's eyes.  
Sirius was momentarily paralysed (Remus's silvery eyes had that effect on him) before recovering his senses and, luckily, his voice. "Certainly not, for it is my sworn duty to keep you from spending your entire life buried in a pile of books. Come on, it's not even eight o'clock, let's go on an adventure!"  
"If I agree, will you shut up?"  
Sirius nodded, miming zipping his lips together.  
"Okay, fine." Remus sighed and followed Sirius (who suddenly felt restless and hyper) to the portrait hole. Peter looked up as they passed him, but before he could say anything Sirius cut him off by draping his arm around Remus's shoulders, looking straight into Peter's eyes, and saying, "The dormitory is a boring place to do dirty things, Wormtail."  
"I always knew you two were bent," Peter muttered derisively and went back to his book.  
"One day you will scar that poor boy for life," Remus informed Sirius as they left the common room.  
"Serves him right, the way he was talking! There's nothing wrong with being gay, but he said it like he thought we were the spawn of the devil. Never mind the fact that we're not actually gay...unless there's something you haven't been telling me, Moony?"  
"Oh, Padfoot, I always knew you'd find out in the end," Remus quipped. "I suppose it was too much to hope that I would be able to hide my insatiable lust for other men forever, but I simply couldn't face it."  
"Ha ha, very amusing," Sirius answered, rolling his eyes. Now that they were on the topic, he couldn't resist enquiring further, and likewise couldn't get rid of the hope in his voice when he continued, "Seriously though, Moony, are you?"  
Remus stared at him. "You're actually asking if I'm gay?"  
Sirius shrugged and looked at the ground. "Yes?"  
"Wow."  
"What?"  
Remus shrugged. "Well, you've just never really talked to me like this before."  
"What on earth d'you mean?" Sirius asked indignantly. "We talk all the time!"  
"Yeah, but not seriously - we don't talk about this kind of stuff with each other, do we?"  
"Well, no..." Sirius scratched the back of his head and looked back down at the ground, embarrassed now. "Look, forget I even asked, okay?"  
"No, it's not a problem, Sirius, I was just surprised is all." They had walked down two flights of stairs before Remus continued (looking a little flustered, whatever he'd said). "I guess I've never really thought about it, to be honest," he said slowly, and Sirius's heart leapt. "I guess it's something I'll think about if I find myself needing to."  
"So you'd be open to dating anyone then?" Sirius asked curiously.  
"Well, I guess...I think, for me, it's the personality that's important, not the gender. Or any physical aspect, really."  
"Huh." Sirius had always thought it was bizarre that many people cared more about their partner's appearance than their personality, but had never considered that gender could be a part of that too. For a moment he just stared at Remus, then remembered himself and cleared his throat. "Anyway," he said, "adventure?"  
They walked down to the Quidditch pitch - Sirius clearly needed to redefine 'adventure' - where, despite it being summer, it was already starting to get dark. They were ordered by the junior groundskeeper, Hagrid, to get back inside the castle, so they climbed into a secret passageway they knew which led to a deserted room on the fourth floor.  
"Why the sudden interest, anyway?" Remus ventured, looking sideways at him.  
"What sudden interest?" Sirius replied, deliberately playing dumb.  
"You know," Remus muttered. "Asking if I'm gay and all that."  
They had almost reached the end of the passage now, and Sirius waited until they had climbed into the deserted room (cleverly concealed behind a mirror) to answer him.  
"Well," he finally replied, and maybe something in his voice warned Remus of what he was about to do, for his friend turned to him with a strange expression on his face, "I wanted to try and work out whether you'd be completely horrified if I did this." And, as adrenaline surged through his body, giving him the courage he needed, Sirius closed the distance between them and did what he realised he'd been longing to do for months - he kissed Remus.  
Sirius had kissed a few girls in his time at Hogwarts, but not a single one of them had ever made him feel the way he felt now, kissing his best friend. And for one second - one, glorious second - it felt as though Moony was kissing him back, and that feeling was even better.  
But when he finally pulled away to look at his friend, and saw that Remus was staring at him like he'd just announced that he'd proposed to Professor Slughorn, Sirius realised, his heart plummeting, that he'd made a horrible mistake.  
"Oh, God, Remus, I'm so sorry, forget that ever happened, please, I'll never do anything like that again, I promise, just please forget all about it!"  
Remus just continued to gape at him in confusion, and Sirius couldn't handle it any longer.  
"I'm sorry," he said once more, before he turned and ran.  
He raced up the stairs and back into the common room, ignoring the Fat Lady when she asked why he was in such a hurry, ignoring Peter when he tried to talk to him, even ignoring the sight of James and Lily sitting together on the sofa, talking quietly - a sight which on any other day would have been unbelievable - in favour of getting to the dormitory.  
Sirius made it all the way into the dormitory and behind the curtains of his bed before the tears came.


	9. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR

Remus was utterly in shock. It took him several minutes to remember how to breathe, let alone to move.  
Had Sirius really just kissed him? Was it possible that that had actually happened?  
No, surely it couldn't have. He must have been hallucinating, or dreaming, or under some sort of spell. Surely Sirius would never, ever, do that - not Sirius who flirted with every age-appropriate girl in Hogwarts, who talked loudly and often of his nights spent with various girls up in the Astronomy Tower (a prime spot for after-hours naughtiness), and who had never shown the slightest interest in boys, let alone in Remus of all people!  
And yet that kiss had definitely happened...  
It must have been a prank, he concluded, just Sirius's idea of a funny joke for them all to laugh over later. Remember that time I kissed Remus and then ran off, Sirius would say, and he thought I was in love with him!  
Never mind that it would be a horribly cruel thing to do, playing with Remus's feelings like that - no, the great Sirius Black never worried about who he hurt with what he did. He just went on and did whatever he wanted to do, regardless of anyone else's feelings. Sure, he might apologise later, but he still never thought about what he was doing at the time. Remus knew it was never Sirius's intention to hurt people - it was just the way he was - but that didn't mean it didn't happen.  
Remus tried not to remember, but it was too late - his mind was cast back to that night, months ago, when he had come so close to becoming a killer....  
Sirius had never been able to take Snape's taunts about Remus's secret with the pinch of salt they required - whatever else anyone might say about him, he was fiercely loyal to those he loved and would do whatever it took to protect them. So when he'd believed that Snape planned to expose that Remus was a werewolf, Sirius had taken matters into his own hands.  
He hadn't thought ahead far enough to realise that if Remus killed Snape, or even injured him at all, then Dumbledore would no longer be able to protect him, and Remus would be lucky to be merely sentenced to life in Azkaban.  
Of course, Remus knew that once Sirius had thought about this, he had been horrified at himself and apologised endlessly and sincerely - but in his anger and hurt just then, none of that mattered.  
Remus stormed back to the common room and flung himself down into an armchair in the corner. But however hard he tried to immerse himself in his copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard - a book he'd loved in his childhood and that had never before failed to cheer him up - he couldn't get the thoughts of that kiss out of his head, couldn't stop reliving the way Sirius had held him.  
He sat there, staring without seeing at the pages of the book, ignoring Peter's attempts at conversation, until the common room was empty, then finally he gave up and lay down on the sofa. He knew he would regret sleeping there in the morning (he was too tall for it and his back was curved uncomfortably) but there was no way he was going into the dorm and facing Sirius.  
Remus just lay there, reliving the kiss in his mind, waiting for sleep that never came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's so short but I hope you still like it!


	10. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR

Early the next morning, Remus was roused by the sound of loud and colourful swearing. Raising himself onto one elbow, he looked around for the source of the noise, and finally focused his bleary gaze on James, who had clearly not realised that boys were not allowed into the girls' dormitory. The stone staircase had transformed into a steep slide when he was halfway up, resulting in a yelling James being dumped unceremoniously onto his face on the common room floor. The slide then turned back into the seeming innocuous staircase, as if inviting James to try again.  
James pulled himself to his feet, groaning miserably, before realising he had an audience. "Sorry, Moony, did I wake you?"  
"Just a bit," Remus replied drily, stretching his arms above his head and yawning. Sleeping on a sofa was really not good for his back, and he was pretty sure the house elves had cleaned him in the night - his heightened werewolf senses registered a strong scent of Mrs Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover, and he had the unfortunate feeling that it was coming from him. However, that was a small price to pay to avoid sleeping in the same room as Sirius after the previous night.  
James started to turn towards the stairs to the boys' dormitory, but then did a double take and stared at Remus. "Why aren't you in the dormitory? It's seven o'clock on a Saturday morning! You didn't sleep there, did you?"  
"Why aren't you in the dormitory?" Remus challenged, avoiding James's stare. "I've never known you to get up earlier than ten on a weekend - and besides, don't you remember when Sirius" - he winced inwardly at the mention of his name - "tried to get into the girls' dorm in third year to play a prank on Marlene? He sprained his ankle and made us carry him around for a week."  
James looked sheepish - an expression not often found on his face - and nodded slowly. "I probably should've remembered that, yeah. Guess I'll just wait here, then." He dropped onto the sofa next to Remus, rubbing his forehead - which was already starting to bruise - mournfully.  
Remus could sense a further question about his sleeping arrangements coming so he jumped in. "Why were you trying to get in there anyway? And why at seven in the morning?"  
James smiled widely. "Because, my dear Moony, the inimitable Miss Evans and I have a date."  
Remus was surprised, but hid it well. "And this date required you to go into her dormitory at seven a.m. because...?"  
"It's a breakfast date!"  
"So you couldn't just meet her at breakfast?" Remus wondered.  
"I was being romantic!"  
"Uh huh. To be perfectly honest James, I don't know how many women count being woken up at seven on a Saturday as romantic. And I think her roommates might object even more." Marlene McKinnon would probably punch him, and Lily herself was certainly not a morning person.  
"You make a good point, Moony."  
"Of course I do. So are you taking her to Hogsmeade?" Remus asked, smiling in spite of himself. James was one of his best friends after all, and he and Lily both deserved to be happy.  
"Yeah, after breakfast." James paused, then shook his head ruefully. "I now realise that a breakfast date in the Great Hall is not really a date, even if it is before everyone else gets up, but we were a bit drunk when we made the plans to be honest."  
"She got you drunk? How scandalous," Remus declared. "I hope you didn't let her get too far, she won't respect you when she wakes up."  
James laughed. "Of course," he mused, "that would imply she respected me in the first place..." Remus chuckled, but stopped abruptly when he remembered fully the events of the previous night.  
Sirius had kissed him. Honest-to-Merlin kissed him.  
And Remus had kissed him back.  
Well, he thought wryly as James continued to lament his choice of date, at least I know the answer now. He hadn't been completely sure when Sirius had asked him the previous night, but that kiss had made things very clear.  
He was definitely gay.


	11. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR

 Lily came down from her dormitory much earlier than Remus expected, thanks to an alarm spell she'd set up the previous night when she went to bed - seemingly her newfound feelings for James had overcome her hatred of mornings. Unfortunately, because she'd been a bit drunk at the time, her magic hadn't been up to its usual standards, meaning that the spell, intended to wake her with a gentle birdsong that only she could hear, had instead caused a siren (complete with flashing red lights) to go off in her dormitory. This resulted in the entire population of Gryffindor Tower being roused from their beds at seven-thirty on a Saturday, which needless to say did not improve Lily's popularity. After silencing the alarm, she and James said goodbye to Remus and headed downstairs for their 'breakfast date'.  
 This meant that Remus was left in the common room to make awkward conversation with Peter (Sirius had, very conspicuously, not been driven downstairs by the siren) while the rest of the house bemoaned their rude awakening. Eventually, the room emptied out as students either went down to breakfast or returned to their beds. Remus needed to change out of the previous day's robes, but he knew that going up to the dormitory meant facing Sirius.  
 He knew that Sirius would never judge him for being gay - his acceptance of Remus's lycanthropy, as well as their conversation the previous night, was proof of this - but there was a big difference between accepting that your mate likes blokes and accepting that he likes you. Besides, there was no way that Sirius could ever reciprocate those feelings - last night's kiss had so obviously been a joke - and Remus just couldn't face that kind of rejection. Unrequited crushes were difficult on their own, but he also faced losing his best friend as a result of it. And losing Sirius was not an option.  
 Remus went down to breakfast and ate a piece of toast which tasted like cardboard before finally returning to the dorm and finding it (mercifully) empty. He changed and grabbed his bag, thinking he would hide out in the library and get his Potions essay finished. He had been looking forward to the last Hogsmeade visit of the term, but it wouldn't be any fun without Sirius or James, so (he reasoned) he might as well stay behind.  
 He made his way slowly down to the library and settled himself at his favourite table in the corner by the Restriction Section. When they were thirteen, he and his friends had carved their names into the wood, ostensibly to practise a spell they'd learned in Charms. He brushed his fingers over the carving, remembering the day they'd made it - the day his friends had decided to become Animagi.  
 That day had been one of the best of Remus's life. Until then, he hadn't truly believed that the others accepted him despite his condition - he had always felt that they simply kept him around because they pitied him, not because they actually liked him.  
 A book slammed down on the table in front of him, making him jump in his seat. Madam Pince, the ancient librarian, was glaring down at him. Too late he realised that the bar of chocolate he kept in his bag for emergencies had fallen onto the table, and if there was one thing Madam Pince hated above all else, it was food in her precious library.  
 "OUT!" she screeched, stabbing her gnarled finger at Remus. He grabbed his bag (and the chocolate) and ran into the corridor, looking over his shoulder to make sure she didn't hex him. He didn't look where he was going and ran straight into - who else? - Sirius, who was clutching his unfinished Potions essay and staring open-mouthed at Madam Pince.  
 "What the hell did you do in there, Moony? I haven't seen her that pissed off since-" Their eyes met and Sirius trailed off awkwardly. Remus coughed and wished fervently that the floor would swallow him (which had been known to happen on occasion at Hogwarts).  
 "Let's just say she really hates chocolate," he muttered. Sirius nodded, then turned on his heel and started off down the corridor. Remus stared after him before turning to walk in the opposite direction.  
 "Aren't you coming, Moony?" Sirius called to him. If Remus hadn't known him so well, he might have thought that the grin on his face was genuine, but he'd seen Sirius force enough smiles not to be fooled. His friend's strategy was clearly to try and pretend that the previous night had never happened, and that was okay. Remus could deal with that. What he couldn't deal with was Sirius laughing at him for thinking that the kiss had been serious, or - Merlin forbid - for kissing back. Hopefully Sirius hadn't noticed that (it had only been for a second, after all) but if he had, Remus prayed that he wouldn't think anything of it.  
 They walked back to the common room in silence. Several times Remus thought he saw Sirius look over at him like he was going to say something, but whenever he turned to check, Sirius was simply staring at the floor. It was only a kiss, he reminded himself - it meant nothing to Sirius.  
 They reached the Fat Lady's portrait before realising the problem - she wasn't there to let them in. For a minute, they just stood there silently (Remus's wish to be swallowed alive by the floor resurfaced), then both tried to speak at once.  
 "Moony-"  
 "Sirius-"  
 "You go."  
 "No, you first."  
 Sirius looked down at the floor - if Remus hadn't known better he might have thought he was hiding a blush - then blurted, "I just wondered when you wanted us to meet you tonight."  
 Remus was confused. "Tonight?" he asked. He didn't remember them making any plans for this weekend - other than the occasional trip to Hogsmeade, there wasn't really much to do in their free time that didn't involve drinking smuggled Firewhisky in the common room.  
 Sirius looked at him strangely. "It's the full moon."    
 Of course it was.


	12. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR

It wasn't like Remus to forget the date of the full moon, but he'd been so busy preparing for the exams (and then so distracted by Sirius) that it had completely gone out of his mind. He'd known it was coming up, of course, but this weekend seemed so soon!  
Sirius stared at him. "You forgot, didn't you?"  
"What? I - no!" Remus stammered. "I just didn't think you were coming tonight, that's all."  
"Why wouldn't I be? I'm not leaving you to go through that alone!"  
Remus felt a rush of gratitude. Even when things were so strange between them, Sirius wouldn't abandon him. "Are Wormtail and Prongs coming?"  
"Since they too come every time, I assume so, yeah. Although I hope James isn't too focused on finally trying to get with Lily to remember."  
Remus shrugged. "If he forgets, he forgets." Sirius nodded slowly and they were silent once more. After a few minutes, they heard the Fat Lady's laugh coming from a painting down the corridor and knew she was on her way back - they would soon be able to escape into the common room and avoid this horribly awkward silence.  
Just as the Fat Lady sidled into her frame (looking extremely hungover - clearly she and her friend Violet in the painting downstairs had been at the wine again), Sirius bit his lip (a sight which Remus found extremely distracting) and took a deep breath. "Listen, Moony, about last night-"  
Remus cut him off harshly. "I get it, alright? It was just a prank, we don't need to talk about it."  
Sirius looked taken aback. "But-"  
"Venomous Tentacula," Remus snapped at the Fat Lady, who winced at the sound of his voice before letting them into the common room. Sirius took another look at him, as though he wanted to say something else, then turned and went into the dormitory. Remus flung himself into his favourite armchair by the fire and got out his Potions essay, but again he just couldn't concentrate.  
What had Sirius wanted to say about last night? Remus had cut him off because he couldn't bear to hear his friend laugh about it, but what if he had been going to say something else?  
What if Sirius actually felt the same way he did?  
Remus knew it was impossible. So why couldn't he stop hoping?  
He was shaken out of his thoughts by Peter dropping into the seat next to him, munching on a Chocolate Frog. "Hi," Remus muttered, hoping that Peter would be too focused on his Honeydukes bag to start a conversation. But of course, this was too much to ask for and Peter soon proceeded to ask Remus every possible question about James and Lily's budding relationship. Remus didn't know the answer to most of these questions and repeatedly told Peter to go and ask James (and stop bothering him), however Peter didn't seem to take the hint.  
Eventually Sirius came to his rescue (which Remus refused to find attractive) by telling Peter that he 'required' Remus in the dorm immediately. This statement, when accompanied by much waggling of Sirius's eyebrows and the injunction that Peter 'better not disturb them', was extremely effective in freeing Remus from the interrogation. But somehow the joke wasn't as funny now that Remus knew that he really was, as Peter had so charmingly put it, 'bent'. He lay down on his bed and stared out of the window, determined to avoid any further awkward conversation with Sirius. Eventually, he drifted off - the night spent on the sofa hadn't been very restful, and he knew he wouldn't be sleeping later.  
Remus awoke much later to find himself alone in the dormitory. There was a plate on his bedside table which held a ham sandwich (his favourite) and a note which simply read, You missed lunch - Padfoot. He ate the sandwich gladly and stretched, then realised it was almost dark outside his window. The full moon would rise soon and he needed to get to the Shrieking Shack before he transformed.  
The dormitory door nudged open, and a large black dog bounded in. Remus turned away to put on his shoes, and when he turned back the dog had transformed into Sirius. "Ready to go?" he asked softly, avoiding Remus's eyes.  
Remus nodded, and left the dormitory to go and turn into a bloodthirsty monster.  
Sometimes he really hated his life.


	13. Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR.

Sirius already missed Remus.  
It had been barely twenty-four hours since he ruined everything, but he missed his friend with all his heart. Even now, walking alongside him, he missed him, because he was so aware that everything was different. Normally on the night of the full moon, the Marauders would be laughing and joking, trying to keep Remus's spirits up before the transformation. They would sneak down to the Whomping Willow under the Invisibility Cloak, having cast Muffliato to make sure no one would hear them, and then Peter would transform and press the knot to freeze the tree. They'd run down the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack and wait for the full moon, knowing that whatever happened, they'd be okay because they'd be together.  
Tonight, they were silent and very visible, because James hadn't returned from his date with Lily and the other three didn't know where the Invisibility Cloak was. They were almost caught by Filch several times on their way out of the castle and barely made it outside before the doors were closed for curfew. Peter seemed to be completely oblivious to the tension between his two friends and, once they were far enough from the castle, began this time to interrogate Sirius about James and Lily.  
Finally (or in other words, after about five minutes) Sirius could take it no longer. "Merlin's beard, Wormtail, I have no bloody idea what happened on their date and right now I honestly couldn't care less! Now turn into a rat and freeze that tree or I swear Remus and I will start snogging right now and make you watch!"  
Peter looked horrified and practically sprinted down to the Whomping Willow. "You can't use that every time he annoys you, you know," Remus chided (Sirius could tell from his voice that he was suppressing a smile).  
"You have to admit it's funny though," Sirius replied, sweeping his hair out of his eyes and turning to face his friend. That was a mistake - as soon as their eyes met Remus stopped smiling and looked down at the ground, and Sirius wanted to kick himself for doing this to their friendship.  
If only he hadn't kissed him!  
If he'd just kept his mouth shut (and, more importantly, away from Remus's) then they wouldn't be in this situation. They'd be laughing and joking just like every month, not awkwardly avoiding each other's eyes and trying desperately to find some way to break the silence. That kiss had been the worst mistake Sirius had ever made...and yet it had been the best moment of his life.  
Even now, knowing how Remus would react, Sirius couldn't stop thinking about kissing him again. He would have followed through on his threat (wish) to start snogging Remus without a second thought if Peter hadn't listened, but whatever he said to Remus, the joke had definitely lost its appeal now that he knew he'd like nothing better.  
And Remus thought that the kiss had just been a prank!  
Sirius saw the tree freeze and motioned to Remus to follow him down the hill. They scrambled into the tunnel, Peter scampering ahead in his rat form. As they walked, Sirius's mind inevitably returned to the previous night, and to the way he had thought Remus was kissing him back, something which he had clearly been imagining. Just because Remus had said he wasn't sure if he was gay didn't mean that had been okay to just jump him like that! Remus was right to be disgusted by him...  
He spent the rest of the short walk lost in thought and almost didn't notice when they reached the entrance to the Shrieking Shack. They climbed inside and Remus went straight to the window, gnawing on his thumbnail the way he always did when he got anxious. Peter remained as a rat, clearly fearful of annoying Sirius enough for him to make good on his threat (if only he could) and Sirius sat down on the floor, his back to the wall.  
"How long?" he asked Remus quietly. He knew that he'd have to turn into Padfoot before the full moon was revealed, because Remus didn't like his friends to see his transformation while still human.  
Remus exhaled slowly and turned away from the window, Peter squeaking about at his feet. "Ten minutes."  
Sirius nodded. "Do you need to...?" He trailed off, motioning towards the partitioned section of the Shack where Remus always got undressed before his transformation - Animagi kept their clothes while they were animals, but for some reason werewolves ripped theirs apart when they turned. Possibly it was a representation of the person's control over the change, Sirius reflected - after all, becoming an Animagus was voluntary, but werewolves had no choice in the matter.  
Remus flushed slightly and turned away. Sirius knew that Remus was insecure about his body (although he himself found it rather marvellous) because of the dozens of scars he had accumulated through years of transformations. He preferred to wait behind the partition for the transformation so that the others wouldn't see him naked, but the morning after the full moon it was unavoidable that at least one of them would have to bring his clothes from the Shack to wherever he lay in the Forbidden Forest after his return to human form. Normally, it was Sirius who did this, because his Animagus form was more suited to it than James's or Peter's - being a dog rather than a stag or a rat allowed him both to find his way through the Forest and to carry the clothes in his mouth. It was Sirius who found him naked and alone in the woods every month...  
"Sirius?" Remus was staring at him. Sirius realised that he had been staring into space for far too long and thinking entirely inappropriate thoughts about Remus being naked. He prayed that he hadn't said anything he'd been thinking out loud.  
"What?" He tried to look innocent (and failed, judging from Remus's confused expression).  
"I, ah, I'm going now," Remus said awkwardly, looking at the floor.  
"Right. Yes." Sirius nodded rapidly and gulped. "See you on the other side?"  
Remus looked as if he wanted to say something else, but seemed to change his mind and just nodded. "Yeah," he half-whispered, and turned to walk away.  
"Moony," Sirius blurted before he could stop himself.  
"Yeah?"  
Sirius had no idea what he wanted to say - in truth, he'd just wanted one more glimpse of Remus's face before he transformed into the wolf. "Nothing.


	14. Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR.

Padfoot bounded through the forest, the wolf close behind him. He raced forward, but it was no use - the wolf pounced and they tumbled to the ground, rolling over each other and howling. Peter was nowhere to be seen, which was unsurprising - he'd always been the most scared to mess around with Moony when he was in wolf form, and often hung back, particularly on the rare nights when James wasn't around and Peter didn't have anyone to impress.  
The wolf and the dog raced through the trees, howling at the moon. They ran for miles, and although Sirius knew that his friend hated his transformations, he never wanted this night to end - he couldn't go back to the awkward silences and stilted conversation he'd been enduring all day.  
But all too soon, the sky began to lighten and Sirius knew that the moon would soon disappear. He surged forward, determined to enjoy the rest of his short time with Remus.  
They bounded towards the edge of the forest, but just as Sirius caught up to him however, the wolf stopped in his tracks and raised his nose to the sky. He sniffed at the air, then howled and turned to race away with renewed speed. A moment later, Padfoot realised what Moony had smelled.  
There was someone - maybe even two someones - outside somewhere nearby. And the werewolf in control of Remus wanted to hurt them.  
Tired as he was, Sirius bolted after Moony, desperate to reach him before someone got hurt. Now he regretted ever wanting the night to last longer - he prayed for the moon to disappear. Ahead of him, he saw the shape of the wolf slip between two trees, and cursed inwardly when he realised that they were trees he recognised. They were close to the edge of the Hogwarts grounds, which meant that whoever Moony was chasing was a student or a professor.  
Sirius ran faster, determined to stop Remus any way he could. Aside from not wanting anyone to die, he knew that a Hogwarts resident being attacked by a werewolf would be the end of Remus's life there - and anywhere. Werewolves were tolerated in wizard society only as long as they didn't hurt anyone, which meant that if Remus was found to be responsible, he would be put down like a rabid dog.  
That had almost been the result of Sirius's worst idea ever last year, and he couldn't bear even thinking about having to face the reality of it. It had been awful enough in the aftermath when he realised that the trick he had thoughtlessly played on Snape could have ended in Remus's death - he wasn't going to let it happen now.  
He poured on the speed and caught up to Remus as he reached the lake, baring his teeth and snarling. Sirius could faintly see two human figures running up the hill to the castle, but there was no way they'd make it inside before Moony caught them. He had no choice.  
Sirius pounced on his best friend and potential love - and bit him in the shoulder.  
The weight of Padfoot on his back barely slowed the wolf down, but the bite distracted him. He howled in pain and turned his head to snap at the dog, but Sirius was quick and managed to dart away in time. Moony howled again and charged after him.  
Sirius hurtled back towards the forest, trying to lead Remus away from the fleeing couple. But even with a bleeding shoulder, the wolf was faster than him and would soon catch up. At this rate, he might incapacitate Sirius and still be able to attack the couple before they reached the doors of the castle. Padfoot ran as fast as he could, but it was no use. Moony pounced on him (which was ironically a situation he'd imagined them being in in human form many times) and bared his teeth to deliver the killing blow.  
Suddenly Sirius felt the weight on his chest disappear and he heard Remus howl as he tumbled away. Hampered for once by his dog vision, as well as the half-light of the early morning, he could just make out two shapes rolling over each other. One was clearly Moony, and the other...Prongs!  
So he wants to help now, does he? Sirius swallowed his anger and went to help. Between them they managed to subdue Remus, then waited for the moon to disappear.  
Soon enough, Remus's wolf eyes flared, then turned back to their usual hazel - the first stage of his return to human form. Prongs and Padfoot scrambled backwards and simultaneously turned back into James and Sirius. Sirius felt himself begin to collapse - he was covered in cuts from his fight with Remus - and James caught him as his knees buckled. On the ground, Remus's body began to convulse, his shoulder still bleeding freely.  
"Is he...okay?" Sirius turned tiredly to see Peter walk into the clearing, carrying a bundle of clothes in his arms. He couldn't even muster the energy to be angry at Peter for hanging back - he would've been useless against Remus anyway.  
Sirius limped over to Peter and took Remus's cloak from his arms, then knelt to drape it over Remus's now human body. The cloak was soon soaked through with blood. Behind him, Sirius was aware of James ordering Peter to go and wake Madam Pomfrey, but he could only think of Remus, and of the blood gushing from the wound he'd created.  
If Remus died because of him...  
No, he couldn't. He'd been hurt before and Madam Pomfrey had always saved him. Remus was strong, and they'd get him to the hospital wing in time.  
He'll be okay, Sirius told himself over and over again, repeating it like a mantra in his mind to help him stay focused. He took Remus's shirt from the pile Peter had abandoned and tried his best to bandage his friend's shoulder with it, but whatever he did the blood just kept coming.  
"Sirius," he heard as if through a fog. "Sirius!" James shouted. "Move out of the way and let me make him a stretcher! We need to get him to the castle."  
"Castle," he muttered dazedly, and moved back to allow James to quickly conjure a stretcher. He helped lift Remus onto it, but the effort was too much and he collapsed to the ground. He was only aware of a flash of red above him before his eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out completely.


	15. Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR.

For a moment after waking up, Sirius didn't remember where he was. He squeezed his eyes shut and hoped that he could go back to sleep - he never liked waking up early on weekends.  
Then he shifted and felt his back flare with pain, and he remembered everything. He struggled to sit up and managed to catch a glimpse of Remus in the next bed, partially hidden by curtains, before Madam Pomfrey spotted him and forced a Sleeping Draught down his throat, telling him he needed to rest.  
The next time he woke, it was late afternoon, and he had visitors. James and Lily sat on either side of his bed, blocking his view of both Remus.  
"How-" James gulped. "How are you feeling, mate?"  
"Fine," he muttered, sitting up in bed. Immediately Madam Pomfrey bustled out of her office (it was uncanny how quickly she knew - she must have a tracking spell on him or something) and looked him over.  
"Yes, Black, you are free to go, just take this potion for the pain and come back tomorrow for a check-up." He took the potion from her without even looking at it and stuffed it in his pocket.  
"How's Remus doing?" he asked anxiously. "Is he alright?"  
Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips. "Mr Lupin will recover, never fear, but his wound was quite severe and he lost a lot of blood. He had not yet regained consciousness and is certainly not up for receiving visitors!"  
Sirius's heart wanted so badly to rush to Remus's side, but his head knew never to mess with Madam Pomfrey. They'd been in here enough times over the years to know how protective she was of her patients, and Remus in particular was a favourite. If Sirius went near him before she gave him the all-clear, he'd probably be back in his hospital bed nursing a black eye.  
He looked longingly at Remus before nodding and swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing. His legs were shaky but he refused James's offer of support. Sirius marched out of the hospital wing, James and Lily trailing behind him in silence. They remained quiet until they reached the portrait hole, but seeing the Fat Lady just reminded Sirius of his conversation with Remus there before the full moon and his anger bubbled over.  
Sensing his mood, James tried to placate him. "Padfoot-"  
"Save it," he hissed. The portrait swung open and he scrambled through, ignoring the cosy common room in favour of the dormitory. He burst through the doorway, startling Peter, who was lying on his bed reading a textbook (Remus really had been rubbing off on him), and stalked over to his bed. Methodically he began to change into fresh clothes, ignoring James and Lily, who had followed him up the stairs. Behind him, he could hear them whispering, then they stopped abruptly and James cleared his throat.  
"Padfoot-" he tried again.  
"I said, save it, James!" Sirius growled, turning to face them. "What the bloody hell were you thinking?! You could've both been killed! You know that Remus can't-" He stopped abruptly when he realised what he was saying. "Lily, what did you-"  
"I told her everything," James cut in.  
"That wasn't your choice to make, James!"  
"Just like it wasn't your choice to send Snape to the Shrieking Shack last year?"  
Sirius felt like he'd been slapped. His expression must have reflected the betrayal he felt because James immediately tried to backtrack. "I didn't mean that," he said hastily. Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You know I didn't, Padfoot, it's just- I trust Lily, and I wanted her to know. She won't give us away."  
"I won't, I promise," Lily said earnestly. "I'm so sorry about what happened last night, I didn't mean to keep James away."  
"Don't apologise for his mistakes," Sirius retorted, still glowering at James. "He's the one that should have known better."  
"I should, and I'm sorry, mate, please believe me. I was stupid and I forgot that it was full moon - if I'd remembered I would never have stayed out."  
Sirius glared at him. "Okay, so you forgot it was full moon and you didn't come out with us last night. Fine. Whatever. But surely even you have enough common sense not to go out once you realised in the morning! Why didn't you just stay away until sunrise?"  
James looked sheepish. "We, ah, we stayed too late at the Three Broomsticks and we didn't get back before the doors locked. We had to stay out in Hogsmeade but we wanted to sneak back in before everyone woke up, because-" He trailed off.  
"Because we didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea!" Lily said defensively. "We just stayed at the pub too late, that's all."  
"Uh-huh." Sirius nodded, smiling a little now - he couldn't stay mad at James for long when he knew that he'd made an honest mistake, and he couldn't resist teasing Lily in particular about their night of debauchery. But thinking of Remus lying unconscious in that hospital bed soon wiped the smile off his face. James seemed to read his expression, and he looked down at the floor.  
"I promise you," he said softly, "I honestly didn't realise. If I had, we would never have been out there. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you."  
"It's alright, mate, it's just-" Sirius stopped abruptly when he felt a tear begin to trickle down his cheek. "If - if he dies because of what I did, James, I can't-" James cut him off by pulling him into a hug.  
"Don't think like that! He'll be fine - when has Pomfrey failed us before? Besides, it's not your fault he's hurt."  
Sirius pulled back and looked his friend in the eye. "I was the one who bit him."  
"I was the reason you had to." James clapped him on the shoulder and stepped back. "Let's just say it's on both of us, all right?"  
Sirius nodded. "Okay," he said hoarsely, wiping his eyes. "Okay."


	16. Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR.

Sirius spent the rest of the afternoon curled up on his bed by the window, trying to catch up on the sleep he'd missed during the night. He did once manage to doze off briefly, but his fear for Remus didn't allow him much rest. He thought of a dozen different ways to sneak into the hospital wing before finally accepting that Madam Pomfrey would never leave Remus alone in his condition. He eventually gave up when the sky began to darken and went down to the Great Hall for dinner.  
He looked around for James and Lily, but they were nowhere to be seen, so he slumped down onto the bench next to Marlene and Mary, who were deeply engrossed in conversation and wouldn't notice him for a while. Sirius gnawed half-heartedly on a chicken leg before abandoning it - he wasn't hungry anyway and it tasted like cardboard. He stared around the Hall morosely and finally noticed James standing by the teachers' table, talking earnestly to Professor McGonagall. Then he realised that Lily was walking towards him.  
"Professor McGonagall wants to see you," she said. She seemed to be hiding a smile, but Sirius was too tired to ask why. He got up wearily and followed her to the front, thinking only of how badly he wanted to see Remus. Maybe he could sneak into the hospital wing overnight while Madam Pomfrey was asleep? Although she never really did seem to sleep...  
"Mr Black." He looked up to see Professor McGonagall's stern face staring down at him. "I understand that Mr Lupin is currently in the hospital wing."  
He stared at her and nodded slowly.  
"From what Mr Potter and Miss Evans here have told me, I also understand that it would not be good for him to be alone in this state. So you will take this" - she held out a piece of parchment covered in her elegant handwriting - "to Madam Pomfrey and inform her that you will be remaining by Mr Lupin's side at least until he wakes up."  
He took the note from her hesitantly and nodded again.  
"Well?" McGonagall said expectantly. "Stop wasting my time and be off with you!" Sirius nodded rapidly and turned to leave. Behind him, he heard James thanking Professor McGonagall and instantly forgave his ridiculous friend for everything he'd ever done wrong. He was practically running by the time he left the Great Hall, stopping only to scoop up a plate of chocolate cake for Remus, and broke into a full sprint once he reached the staircase, taking the steps two at a time.  
He was out of breath when he reached the hospital wing but he managed to convince Madam Pomfrey to let him in (the plate of chocolate cake certainly helped) and was soon by Remus's bedside. Madam Pomfrey updated him on Remus's condition (he had been unconscious all day but was likely to wake soon) but she soon realised that he was in no state to make conversation and retreated to her office.  
Looking down at his friend's unconscious form, Sirius realised how stupid he'd been. He had been trying to deny that the kiss had ever happened and, in doing so, almost lost Remus's friendship. He resolved right then that he would tell Remus how he felt and clear the air between them, no matter how afraid the thought made him feel. No amount of pain from his broken heart would ever be enough to make him want to stay away from Remus.  
I might not have a choice now, he thought mournfully. Remus probably hates me and never wants to see me again.  
He slumped into the visitor's chair by Remus's bed and closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to look at Remus's wounded form anymore, to see the pain that he was responsible for. However, the worry and guilt that had prevented him from sleeping earlier had been assuaged somewhat by Madam Pomfrey's assessment of Remus's condition, and he was able to fall asleep.  
Sirius was woken some time later by Madam Pomfrey's footsteps as she came to change Remus's bandage. He sat upright, rubbing his eyes, and felt his back twinge in pain. He winced and saw Madam Pomfrey's eyes fix on him, no doubt wondering if he needed to be back in his bed, and hastily took a swig of the potion she'd given him earlier. She nodded briskly and returned to her office.  
Alone once more, Sirius recalled stories he'd heard of Muggle comas patients being revived by hearing the voices of their loved ones, and decided it was worth a shot.  
"Come on, Remus," he muttered. "Please wake up."  
Remus didn't stir, so he kept talking. Not about anything in particular, just whatever he thought of. He recounted the tale of the Marauders' first meeting, of the day they discovered that Remus was a werewolf, of their first Animagus transformation. He talked late into the night, and as he went on he realised that he was telling the story of their friendship, realising why Remus was so important to him. More than that, he was telling the story of how he fell in love with his best friend.  
He finally stopped talking when his throat grew dry and his voice cracked. Exhausted, he closed his eyes, and contemplated going back to the dormitory to sleep. Just as he was turning to leave, he heard a quiet, hoarse voice coming from behind him.  
"Sirius?"


	17. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters belong to JKR.

Remus ached all over. His whole body was covered in cuts and bruises, and he felt absolutely exhausted in spite of the fact that he's clearly been asleep for a while. The worst pain was coming from his shoulder, which he noticed was wrapped in a thick layer of bandages.  
But none of that mattered when the events of the his night as a wolf came rushing back.  
"Those people," he stammered, "did I hurt them? Who were they? What did I do?" He couldn't live with himself if he'd hurt anyone, if he'd lost control enough to kill.  
"Moony, no, don't worry, you didn't hurt them," Sirius assured him. "Although," he muttered, barely loudly enough for Remus to hear, "it would've served them right if you had."  
"What- what do you mean?" Had it been Snape out there, trying once more to get Remus caught?  
"It was our wise and sensible friend, one James Potter, who clearly decided that a romantic way to end his date with Lily would be to reenact Wanderings with Werewolves." Sirius shook his head in disbelief.  
Remus gaped. "I nearly killed James and Lily?"  
Sirius cut in. "Give me some credit, Remus! You didn't get anywhere near them." But the haunted look in his eyes told Remus a different story - and from what he remembered, Sirius had barely reached him in time. Yet another incident in a long line that proved that he should be locked up during full moon, not running around free where anyone could stumble across him.  
Remus struggled to sit up, but Sirius was instantly by his side, forcing him to lie back down. "I'm fine-," he tried, but Sirius simply raised an eyebrow.  
"No, you're not, and it's my fault, so you're not getting up on my watch." His tone was light, but Remus could see the pain and worry in his eyes - he really did feel responsible for hurting him.  
"Sirius," he said softly. "It's not your fault."  
"Look at your shoulder and try telling me that again," Sirius retorted, avoiding his eyes.  
"What, this? It'll heal! If you hadn't done what you did, I'd have hurt James and Lily, and that kind of pain doesn't go away." His voice broke on the last part - even the idea of hurting his best friends was unbearable.  
Sirius barked a short, mirthless laugh. "You're seriously saying it's okay that I did that to you? Moony, you've been unconscious for nearly twenty-four hours! You could have died because of what I did!"  
"James and Lily would have died if you hadn't stopped me!" Remus countered. Sirius groaned and sank into the chair by the bed. "That's why you came, remember? To keep everyone safe from me?"  
"Moony, you moron, that's not why! That's never been why!"  
"Why, then? Why risk yourself to run around with a werewolf if you aren't prepared to protect people from- from it?"  
Sirius's voice softened. "You're not an it, Moony, you're a person just like me. Better than me, in fact."  
Remus scoffed - there was no way that he, the pale, drawn werewolf boy, was better than Sirius by anyone's definition. But Sirius persisted. "You are, Moony. You're kind, and clever, and funny, and you put up with a git like me when you could find much better company." Remus started to protest, but Sirius stopped him. "I- I need to say this, Moony." He took a deep breath, and if Remus didn't know better, he'd even say Sirius was nervous. But that was ridiculous - why would he be?  
"Remus, I-" He stopped again, swallowing hard. "About the other night - I have to tell you-"  
"It's okay, Padfoot," Remus said softly. "I understand." That kiss had caused enough awkwardness already, and besides, he didn't know how well he would deal with outright confirmation that Sirius didn't feel the same way about him.  
Sirius looked taken aback. "You- you do?" he stammered. (He was certainly doing a lot of that today.)  
"Well - yeah." Remus faltered - hadn't he already told Sirius that he knew it had only been a prank? "I mean - I know you only kissed me as a joke, if that's what you're trying to say."  
Sirius stared at him. "Moony-"  
"Honestly," he continued, his voice cracking slightly, "you don't need to say anything. I'm sorry I was so weird about it yesterday - can't we just move on?"  
Sirius just stared at him, a surprised look on his face. "Padfoot?"  
Sirius shook his head slowly, a small smile on his face. "You really thought it was a joke?"  
Remus felt his heart leap into his throat. "You mean...it wasn't?"  
"Honestly, Moony," Sirius said, attempting his usual lopsided grin, "aren't you supposed to be the smart one here?"  
Remus gaped at him. "But then - what do you - I mean-" He gave up, realising that he'd stuttered and stammered more in the last twenty minutes than in the entire rest of his life.  
Sirius looked at the floor, a blush slowly spreading across his pale (but handsome) face. He mumbled something under his breath, so quietly that even Remus's heightened werewolf hearing didn't pick it up. He reached out and cupped Sirius's chin, forcing him to look up. "Padfoot?"  
Sirius took a deep breath and locked eyes with him. "I kissed you because I'm in love with you, Remus," he said very quickly. "And I'm sorry that I did it, because I know you don't feel the same, but I couldn't stand the weirdness anymore and I just wanted you to know because I didn't want to lose you as a friend and I-"  
"Sirius?" Remus cut him off, grinning now as he leaned forward.  
"Yeah?"  
"Shut up." He wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck and pulled him close. Remus wasn't very experienced with kissing (in truth, the only kiss he'd ever really enjoyed had been on Friday night) but Sirius definitely knew what he was doing. It was even better than the other night - Remus felt as though he was melting, but somehow in a good way.  
He pulled back reluctantly and looked into Sirius's eyes, finally recognising the feelings that had been confusing him for so long. "I love you, too."  
Sirius just smiled, and kissed him again, and Remus never wanted him to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I hope you all enjoyed it, please let me know what you think :)


End file.
